Some places tell you they have hot burgers.

For those not use to chilli, they probably do.

I am not use to eating super hot chilli yet. I am used to chilli enough that certain food chains have burgers that taste tangy at best. In one particular case, just tasted like a cheeseburger to me.

That being said, my eyes still water at ghost peppers and I will get the hiccups something fierce. The only other time I had a Carolina Reaper, it was a small drop and it burnt my tongue.

…

I stood at Burger Urge.

On the board there were two burgers. The burgers of the month were the Lady MacDeath and the Double Decker Death Wish. Both of them boasted having the 4 hottest chillis in their sauce. For a few dollars more you could go nuclear, and get more of the sauce.

I had the Lady MacDeath. The chicken burger.

I should have guessed that, unlike certain other chains (whose fowls, clowns, kings and colonels shall remain nameless), Burger Urge does what it says. When it had the alpaca burger, it was made from alpaca. Not some lamb disguised with soy sauce (I don’t know how to make fake alpaca ok, maybe lamb mixed with wallaby? I don’t know, until I have eaten wallaby cooked, then I might be able to guess better).

Of course I went nuclear. I had to sign a waiver and then they gave me gloves and safety glasses. I was very excited. I was looking forward to this.

The burger arrived.

It didn’t look that intimidating.

I could see the sauce. I figured it had to be at least hotter than Australian hot hot. I’d signed a waiver.

I still wasn’t prepared.

There are some chillies referred to as ninja chillies. Where you don’t feel anything at first. Then you feel a tingle, like the heat gentle creeping across your tongue. Gradually the plie of pain becomes the tap dance of torment, as you realise that you are being burnt from the inside.

If you are lucky, the tap dance is where it stays. Burning, not completely unbearably, but still painful.

The first bite was like that. Except the tap dance of torment became the mosh pit of molten lava, very quickly. This was followed by the hiccups. The painful chilli hiccups that soon make you think licking a battery would have been less painful.

Second bite, added fuel to the fire, the whole of my tongue at this point was throbbing, pulsing in a single burst of pain every half a second or so. Surely a third bite couldn’t be as bad.

Milk please.

One tankard of milk and one more bite and I was defeated.

I had to have ice cream to calm my tongue down to a level where it was just burning. Where the intense burst of pain pulses gave way to a single burning sensation in my mouth and on my lips (and later on, because I must have gotten some oil on my fingers, my eyes. Luckily I know what to do in that situation).

Within an hour I was ok, a bit sore but ok.

If you like your food hot, and I mean Korean Spicy Noodles hot, give it a bash. Aside from the burning it is a pretty good burger.

You get a key ring if you finish it, I do not have a key ring.